This is the second part of the transcript for the 2001 film, [[Shrek (film)|Shrek]].
Continuation from inscription #482481
==Transcript: Part 2==
MERRYMEN: Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.
MONSIEUR HOOD: I steal from the rich and give to the needy.
MERRYMAN: He takes a wee percentage,
MONSIEUR HOOD: But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels, man, I'm good.
MERRYMEN: What a guy, Monsieur Hood.
MONSIEUR HOOD: Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid...
MERRYMEN: What he's basically saying is he likes to get...
MONSIEUR HOOD: Paid! So...When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad.
MERRYMEN: That's bad. That's bad. That's bad!
MONSIEUR HOOD: When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad!
MERRYMEN: He's mad, he's really, really mad!
Fiona, still up in the tree, looks down. Her expression changes from confusion to horror as Monsieur Hood sings the last line:
MONSIEUR HOOD: I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start...
Fiona swings down from the tree limb and kicks Monsieur Hood in the head, knocking him unconscious. She lands with a back flip in front of Shrek and Donkey.
FIONA: Man, that was annoying!
Shrek looks at her in admiration.
MERRYMAN: Why, you little--
The Merry Man shoots an arrow at Fiona but she ducks out of the way. The arrow flies past her and towards Donkey, who jumps into Shrek's arms to get out of the way. Fiona demonstrates her martial arts skills and easily defeats up every last Merryman. The Merrymen are left on lying on the ground and Fiona walks away. Fiona looks a little embarrassed as she smoothes out her dress and regains her composure.
FIONA: Uh, shall we?
SHREK: Hold the phone.
Taken aback, Shrek drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona.
SHREK: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?
FIONA: What?
SHREK: That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?
Fiona just blushes.
FIONA: Well...(laughs) when one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a...there's an arrow in your butt!
Fiona points downwards at a small arrow jutting out of Shrek's behind.
SHREK: What? Oh, would you look at that?
FIONA: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
Shrek lightly tugs at the arrow but stops, wincing in pain. Donkey catches up to them.
DONKEY: Why? What's wrong?
FIONA: Shrek's hurt.
DONKEY: Shrek's hurt! Shrek's hurt?!
Donkey, frantic, begins to scamper around hysterically.
DONKEY: Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
SHREK: Donkey, I'm okay.
DONKEY: You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die! Keep your legs elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anyone know the Heimlich?!
Fiona grabs Donkey's head and pulls it down to her.
FIONA: Donkey! Calm down! If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.
DONKEY: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek.
Donkey begins to head in a random direction into the forest.
DONKEY: And if you see a long tunnel, ''stay away from the light''!
SHREK & FIONA: Donkey!
DONKEY: Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns...
Donkey marches off, still chanting, until he is out of earshot.
SHREK: What are the flowers for?
FIONA: For getting rid of Donkey.
SHREK: Ah...
Shrek's confused look turns into a big grin.
FIONA: Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
Fiona grabs hold of the arrow and begins to pull. Shrek yelps and jumps away.
SHREK: Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'!
FIONA: I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
SHREK: No, it's tender.
As they continue to talk Fiona keeps grabbing after the arrow as Shrek dodges her attempts.
FIONA: Now, hold on.
SHREK: What you're doing is the opposite of help.
FIONA: Don't move.
SHREK: Look, time out.
Shrek puts his entire hand over Fiona's face, stopping her in her tracks.
FIONA: Would you...
She takes Shrek's hand off her face.
FIONA: Okay. What do you propose we do?
'''SHERWOOD FOREST - ELSEWHERE'''
Deeper in the woods, Donkey is hurriedly searching for the flower.
DONKEY: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.
Suddenly he hears a far out yell from Shrek.
SHREK: Owww!
DONKEY: Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
Donkey rips a flower off a nearby bush, which happens to be a blue flower with red thorns, and takes off running.
'''SHERWOOD FOREST - CLEARING'''
Back in the clearing, Shrek is laying on the ground facedown, while Fiona stands over him, using both hands to try to remove the arrow.
SHREK: Ow! Not good.
FIONA: Okay. N--Okay. I can nearly see it...It's just about...
SHREK: Ow! Ohh!
He rolls over, knocking Fiona off her feet and causing her to land on top of him. For a moment they stare into each other's eyes.
DONKEY: Ahem.
They are both startled by Donkey's interruption. Donkey, with the flower dropped at his feet, gives them a suggestive look.
SHREK: Nothing happened.
Shrek pushes Fiona off him and rolls over to face Donkey.
SHREK: We were just, uh...
DONKEY: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask, okay?
SHREK Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just--
Fiona quickly rips the arrow out of Shrek's butt with one great pull.
SHREK: Uggghhh!
He turns to look at Fiona, who playfully shakes the arrow back and forth with a coy smile.
SHREK: Ow!
DONKEY: Hey, what's that? (chuckling) That's...is that blood?
Donkey faints and falls into a pile of leaves. Shrek picks him up and throws him over his shoulder, and the three continue on their journey. There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to Duloc.
The group comes to a river with no path across, though it is clearly shallow enough to walk over. Shrek climbs to the top of a tree, using his weight to cause the tree to bend over the river and form a bridge. Fiona crosses first and lays a hand on Shrek's back when she gets to the other side. Shrek grins and gets up while Donkey is still crossing, launching him back to the other side. In a field, Shrek swats away at a swarm of flies following him. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb from a tree branch and runs through the field, swinging it around to catch the bugs. She spins the branch to form a sort of cotton candy, and hands it to Shrek as a treat. As he walks off biting it, she licks her fingers. Shrek catches a frog and blows it up like a balloon to give to Fiona. Fiona catches a snake, blows into its mouth, fashions it into a balloon animal and presents it to Shrek. Fiona starts a playful shoving match with Shrek, with Shrek ultimately flinging her into the bushes. She throws a twig at him as they both laugh, letting go of their balloons. Donkey jumps after them.
'''[[Windmill|WINDMILL]] - EXTERIOR'''
After breaking out of the forest, the group arrives onto a small rise where an old, ruined windmill stands. The fields of Duloc stretch out before before, and further in the distance stands the Duloc Castle.
SHREK: There it is, princess. Your future awaits you.
FIONA: That's Duloc?
Fiona stands with her arm on Shrek's, but Donkey butts in-between them. They both shrug at each other.
DONKEY: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really...
Shrek interrupts Donkey by stepping on his foot, causing him to fall to the ground in pain. Fiona gives Shrek a suspicious look.
DONKEY: Oww!
SHREK: Um, I, uh-- I guess we better move on.
FIONA: Sure. But, Shrek? I'm-- I'm worried about Donkey.
SHREK: What?
FIONA: I mean, look at him. He, he doesn't look so good.
Nothing seems to be wrong with Donkey. Shrek smiles knowingly at Fiona.
DONKEY: What are you talking about? I'm fine.
Fiona kneels down and takes Donkey's head in her arms.
FIONA: Well that's what they always say and then...then...then the next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead.
SHREK: You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?
FIONA: Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.
DONKEY: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look.
Donkey sharply leans his head to the side, letting off a loud crack.
DONKEY: Ow! See?
Shrek and Fiona give each happy looks, having made up an excuse to stall for time.
SHREK: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
FIONA: I'll get the firewood.
Shrek and Fiona both walk off in separate direction
DONKEY: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! (looks down and yelps) I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug.
'''WINDMILL - EXTERIOR - EVENING'''
Shrek has built a fire and is cooking something on a spit while Fiona eats.
FIONA: Mmm. This is good. This is ''really'' good. What is this?
SHREK: Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style.
FIONA: No kidding. Well, this is delicious.
SHREK: Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew.
Fiona smiles, but it quickly fades as she looks off at Duloc in the distance.
FIONA: I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
SHREK: Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare -- you name it.
Fiona is now intently looking at Shrek, smiling.
FIONA: Hmmm, I'd like that.
They gaze into each other's eyes longingly.
SHREK: Um...princess?
FIONA: Yes...Shrek?
SHREK: I, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs) Are you gonna eat that?
Shrek points to her last piece of food. Fiona, expecting a different question, removes the weedrat while Shrek is annoyed by the words that couldn't come out. Fiona hands it to Shrek and he grabs onto her hand. The two slowly lean towards each other. Donkey interrupts the moment.
DONKEY: Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.
Shrek and Fiona are both startled out of their moment. Fiona's mood changes and she sits up to abruptly face the sunset.
FIONA: Sunset?! Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.
She begins backing up toward the windmill.
SHREK: What?
DONKEY: Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here.
Fiona looks at Donkey and freezes with panic.
DONKEY: You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?
FIONA: Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.
She smiles as she turns around to walk up the windmill's steps. She breathes a sigh of relief.
DONKEY: Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until -- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
Shrek groans and Fiona chuckles.
FIONA: Good night.
SHREK: Good night.
Fiona goes inside the windmill, gives Shrek a look, and closes the door. Donkey looks at Shrek with a new eye.
DONKEY: Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.
SHREK: Oh, what are you talkin' about?'
Donkey trots over to Shrek as he kneels by the fire and fiddles with one of the spits.
DONKEY: I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.
SHREK: You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.
DONKEY: Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel.
SHREK: I--there's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know-- and I'm not sayin' I do, 'cause I don't -- she's a princess, and I'm...
DONKEY: An ogre?
SHREK: Yeah. An ogre.
Shrek tosses the spit aside and trudges away,
DONKEY: Hey, where you goin'?
SHREK: To get...more firewood.
Donkey looks suspiciously over at the large pile of firewood already piled up. Shrek sits on the hill and gazes out at Duloc until nightfall.
'''WINDMILL - EXTERIOR - NIGHT'''
Donkey opens the door to the windmill and steps in. The abandoned windmill is filed with shadows and cobwebs. All is quiet and Fiona is nowhere to be seen.
DONKEY: Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?
A group of birds flocks out the top of the roof, startling Donkey. He continues on.
DONKEY: Princess?
A hand grips the rungs of a ladder.
DONKEY: It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
Fiona looks at Donkey, cloaked in shadows, from up above on a platform. She tries to sneak away, but a wood plank breaks and she falls down with a crash. She screams and lands on a sack of flour, launching a cloud of flour into the air. Donkey is frozen with fear, unable to tell who the figure is.
DONKEY: Aah!
FIONA: No, no!
DONKEY: No, help!
FIONA: Shh!
An ogress emerges from the cloud of flour, approaching Donkey.
DONKEY: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
FIONA: No, it's okay! It's okay!
DONKEY: What did you do with the princess?!
FIONA: Donkey, shh! I'm the princess.
DONKEY: Aah!
FIONA: It's me, in this body.
DONKEY: Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to her stomach) Can you hear me?
FIONA: Donkey!
DONKEY: (still aimed at her stomach) Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!
FIONA: No!
DONKEY: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
FIONA: (Covering Donkey's mouth) Shh.
DONKEY: (Muffled) Shrek!
FIONA: This is me.
Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he calms down.
DONKEY: Princess...? What happened to you? You're, uh...uh...eh...different.
FIONA: I'm ugly, okay?
DONKEY: Well, yeah! Well was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now--
FIONA: No! I -- I've been this way as long as I can remember.
DONKEY: What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
FIONA: It only happens when sun goes down.
Fiona leans over a barrel filled with water, looking at her reflection.
FIONA: "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."
DONKEY: Aww, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
FIONA: It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast!
Fiona smacks her reflection in the water, which splashes water onto Donkey.
FIONA: I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me...like this.
She holds her head and begins to cry.
DONKEY: All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, ok, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7.
FIONA: But Donkey, I'm a ''princess'', and this is not how a princess is meant to look.
DONKEY: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?
FIONA: I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.
DONKEY: But, you know, um...you're kind of an ogre. And Shrek...well...you got a lot in common.
FIONA: Shrek?
'''WINDMILL EXTERIOR'''
Shrek is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his hand, talking to himself.
SHREK: Princess, I-- Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-- well, I don't really like it but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd-- uh, uh...(sighs) I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
He walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Donkey and Fiona talking.
FIONA: I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek.
Shrek steps back in shock, misunderstanding the conversation's meaning.
FIONA: My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be.
Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks away.
'''WINDMILL INTERIOR'''
FIONA: It's the only way to break the spell.
DONKEY: Well you at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
Donkey walks over to the door.
FIONA: No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.
DONKEY: What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
FIONA: Promise you won't tell. Promise!
DONKEY: All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should.
Donkey steps outside and talks to himself
DONKEY: I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.
Fiona opens the door and watches him walk away. She looks down and spots the sunflower left by the door. She picks it up and looks around, then heads back inside and closes the door. Donkey falls asleep by the fire outside.
'''WINDMILL INTERIOR -''' '''MORNING'''
Donkey is asleep. Fiona is still awake, plucking at petals from the sunflower.
FIONA: I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not...
Fiona picks the last petal off the sunflower, smiling.
FIONA: I tell him! Shrek!
She opens the door and steps outside.
FIONA: Shrek! There's something I want...
Fiona looks around for Shrek only to see Donkey sleeping. She sees the rising sun, and as the sun crests the sky, she turns back into a human. She looks up again to see Shrek stomping towards her. She hurries over to him.
FIONA: Shrek! Are you all right?
She puts her hand on his arm, but he nudges it away and walks past her.
SHREK: Perfect! Never been better.
FIONA: I...I don't...there's something I have to tell you.
SHREK: You don't have to tell me anything, princess. I heard enough last night.
FIONA: You heard what I said?
SHREK: Every word.
Shrek sits down on the steps of the windmill and faces Fiona.
FIONA: I thought you'd understand.
SHREK: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?"
FIONA: But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.
SHREK: Yeah? Well, it does.
Fiona looks at him in shock, tears welling in her eyes. Shrek looks past her and spots a group approaching.
SHREK: Ah, right on time. Princess, I've brought you a little something.
Shrek gestures towards the group and Fiona stands with her mouth wide. Farquaad arrives on horseback, appearing taller than usual, along with an escort of guards. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the guards march by.
DONKEY: What'd I miss? What'd I miss?
One of the guards looms over him and he begins to scurry away, muttering to himself.
DONKEY: Who said that? Couldn't have been the donkey.
Farquaad stops his horse in front of Fiona.
FARQUAAD: Princess Fiona.
SHREK: As promised. Now hand it over.
FARQUAAD: Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind.
Shrek snatches the deed out of the hands of a guard and walks away. Fiona is put off by this exchange. She reverts her attention back to the long-awaited Lord Farquaad.
FARQUAAD: Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled ''me--''for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad.
FIONA: Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short...
Farquaad snaps his finger and is lifted off his horse by his guards. Left behind on the horse is a large set of gauntlets and a pair of leg extenders that reached down to the stirrups, which made him look so tall on the saddle. and set down in front of her. Standing at the height of four and a half feet, he is much shorter than Fiona. Her look turns from nervousness to bemusement, and she awkwardly smiles.
FIONA: ...farewell.
FARQUAAD: Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings.
FIONA: No, you're right. It doesn't.
Shrek, still standing nearby with his back turned, is hurt by the comment. Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face.
FARQUAAD: Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage.
Farquaad gets down on one knee and takes Fiona's hand, pulling her down sharply.
FARQUAAD: Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
Fiona makes eye contact with Shrek before he turns away. Her sad look turns to bitterness.
FIONA: Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make--
FARQUAAD: Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
FIONA: No!
Shrek spins back around with a hopeful look on his face while Fiona tries to regain her composure.
FIONA: I mean--ah, why wait? Let's get married today. Before sunset.
Shrek scowls and turns away.
FARQUAAD: Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do!
Farquaad snaps his fingers and is lifted onto his horse by his guard. The guard offers Fiona assistance, but she looks up onto the saddle on her own.
FARQUAAD: There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests!
Fiona, Farquaad, and his guards set off towards Duloc. Fiona gives Shrek one last spiteful look.
FIONA: Fare thee well, ogre.
Donkey catches up to Shrek as he his walking away.
DONKEY: Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away!
SHREK: Yeah? So what?
DONKEY: Shrek there's something about her you don't know. Look, I-- I talked to her last night... She's --
SHREK: Yeah I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?!
DONKEY: But Shrek, I-- I wanna go with you.
SHREK: Hey I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
DONKEY: But, I thought...
SHREK: Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! (stomps off)
DONKEY: Shrek.
Montage of different scenes. Shrek arrives back home. The swamp is a mess but the fairytale creatures are gone. Fiona is being fitted for her wedding dress. Shrek throws a sunflower into the fireplace. Farquaad proudly tries on his crown. Fiona stares at her wedding cake, pushing down a figure of Farquaad to show his actual height. She notices a suit of armor that reminds her of Shrek. Donkey stops by a river where he finds Dragon crying, both of them happy to see each other. Shrek and Fiona both try to eat dinner but start crying.
'''SHREK'S HOME'''
Shrek is sitting at the dinner table when he hears a sound outside. He goes outside to investigate, and sees Donkey assembling a line of branches and small rocks.
SHREK: Donkey? What are you doing?
DONKEY: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one.
SHREK: Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it.
DONKEY: It is, around ''your'' half. See that's your half, and this is my half.
SHREK: Oh! Your half? Hmm.
DONKEY: Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head.
Shrek starts pulling down the wall and picks up a large branch. Donkey butts his head against it and the two struggle over it.
SHREK: Back off!
DONKEY: No, ''you'' back off.
SHREK: This is my swamp!
DONKEY: Our swamp!
SHREK: Let go, Donkey!
DONKEY: ''You'' let go!
SHREK: Stubborn jackass!
DONKEY: Smelly ogre.
SHREK: Fine!
Shrek suddenly lets go of the branch, tripping Donkey over, and he walks away.
DONKEY: Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.
SHREK: Well, I'm through with you!
Donkey starts following him.
DONKEY: Uh-uh! You know, with you it's always "me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention!
Just as Shrek nears the door to his home, Donkey jumps in front of him. Shrek walks in another direction.
DONKEY: You are mean to me! You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
SHREK: Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
DONKEY: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!
SHREK: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you...for stabbing me in the back!
Shrek enters the outhouse and slams the door behind him.
DONKEY: Uhhhh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.
SHREK: Go away!
DONKEY: See! There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. And all she ever do was like you, maybe even love you.
SHREK: Love me? She said I was ugly! A hideous creature! I heard the two of you talking.
DONKEY: She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about...uh...somebody else.
After a brief silence, Shrek comes up of the outhouse.
SHREK: She wasn't talking about me? Well then who was she talking about?
Donkey turns his back to Shrek.
DONKEY: Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right?
SHREK: Donkey!
DONKEY: No!
SHREK: Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?
Donkey turns his head back to raise his eyebrow, and then looks away again. Shrek sighs.
SHREK: I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid...ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?
DONKEY: Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
SHREK: Right. Friends?
DONKEY: Friends.
Shrek and Donkey shake on it.
SHREK: So, um, what ''did'' Fiona say about me?
DONKEY: What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?
SHREK: [[Wedding of Princess Fiona and Lord Farquaad|The wedding]]! We'll never make it in time.
DONKEY: Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way.
Donkey whistles loudly, and Shrek looks up to see Dragon flying overhead.
SHREK: Donkey?!
DONKEY: I guess it's just my animal magnetism.
SHREK: (laughs) Aw, come here, you.
Shrek scratches Donkey on the head.
DONKEY: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet.
Shrek climbs up the chain still slung around Dragon's neck. Dragon lifts Donkey up with her hand. They take off, soaring through the clouds and to Duloc.
'''[[Duloc Cathedral|DULOC CATHEDRAL]] - INTERIOR'''
The church is packed with citizens. Fiona and Farquaad are standing at the altar as the priest conducts the ceremony. Thelonius stands nearby, golding a pillow on which rests the two wedding rings. Men with prompter cards hold up cards that says 'Revered Silence'.
[[Bishop|BISHOP]]: People of Duloc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union....
Fiona glances nervously at the window, noticing the sun slowly dropping toward the horizon.
FIONA: Um-
BISHOP: ...of our new king...
FIONA: Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?
Farquaad chuckles then motions to the bishop to indulge Fiona.
FARQUAAD: Go on.
'''DULOC CATHEDRAL - EXTERIOR'''
A large group of guards stand outside the cathedral on watch. Suddenly Dragon lands nearby and the guards flee in terror. Dragon looks back at Donkey after him and Shrek climb off of her back.
DONKEY: Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that?
Dragon smiles, and nods, and takes off towards the town streets. Shrek runs for the cathedral doors but Donkey hurries to get in his way.
DONKEY: Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you?
SHREK: What are you talking about?
DONKEY: There's a line, there's a line you gotta wait for. The priest is gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." And that's when you say, "I object!"
SHREK: Oh, I don't have time for this!
DONKEY: Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me!
Shrek pushes past him but Donkey pins him against the door.
DONKEY: Look, you love this woman, don't you?
SHREK: Yes.
DONKEY: You wanna hold her?
SHREK: Yes.
DONKEY: Please her?
SHREK: Yes!
DONKEY: (singing) "Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness". (talking) The chicks love that romantic crap!
SHREK: All right! Cut it out! When does this guy say the line?
DONKEY: We gotta check it out.
'''INTERIOR'''
As the bishop talks we see Donkey through one of the windows as Shrek tosses him up so he can see.
BISHOP: And so, by the power vested in me...
'''EXTERIOR'''
SHREK: What do you see?!
DONKEY: The whole town's in there.
BISHOP: I now pronounce you husband and wife...
DONKEY: They're at the altar!
PRIEST: ...king and queen.
DONKEY: Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
SHREK: Oh, for the love of Pete!
Shrek runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard.
'''INTERIOR'''
Fiona and Farquaad are leaning in to kiss, but are interrupted when Shrek bursts through the doors. They both turn to see him running down the aisle.
SHREK: I object!
FIONA: Shrek?
Fiona initially looks happily surprised to see him, but quickly becomes upset. The bishop gasps, shuts his book, and quietly slinks off.
FARQUAAD: Oh, now what does he want?
The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek walk ahead towards the altar. They respond positively to him and begin to do "the wave".
SHREK: Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean.
FIONA: What are you doing here?
FARQUAAD: Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding...
Shrek initially seems taken aback by Lord Farquaad's harsh comment, but he quickly brushes it off and turns his attention towards Fiona.
SHREK: Fiona! I need to talk to you.
FIONA: Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me--
She leans over to kiss Farquaad but Shrek pulls her away by the hand.
SHREK: But you can't marry him!
She frees her hand from his grip.
FIONA: And why not?
SHREK: Because--because he's just marrying you so he can be king!
The crowd gasps.
FARQUAAD: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him--
SHREK: He's not your true love.
FIONA: And what do you know about true love?!
SHREK: Well, I--uh--I mean...
Fiona is taken aback by this.
FARQUAAD: Oh, this is precious. (laughs) The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. (laughs)
Farquaad gestures to the man with the prompter card holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The whole congregation laughs.
FARQUAAD: An ogre and a princess! (laughs)
Shrek looks back at the laughing crowd and then down at the floor, dejected.
FIONA: Shrek, is this true?
Just as Shrek opens his mouth to speak--
FARQUAAD: Who cares?! It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me!
Farquaad holds Fiona's hand, puckers his lips, and leans toward her. She looks down at him with disgust, and then averts her attention to the window. The sun is just about to set.
FIONA: "By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.
Fiona backs up and gives Shrek a sheepish smile. As the sun sets, she changes into her ogre self. The crowd gasps and one person faints. Shrek stares at Fiona in astonishment, and then grins.
SHREK: Well, uh, that explains a lot!
Fiona locks eyes with Shrek and smiles.
FARQUAAD: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now!
A large amount of guards run in and grab ahold of Shrek and Fiona.
FARQUAAD: Get them! Get them both!
FIONA: No, no! Shrek!
Shrek and Fiona try to grab each other's arms but are pulled away from each other. Farquaad grabs ahold of his crown and puts it on.
FARQUAAD: This hocus-pocus alters nothing! This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See?! See?!
FIONA: No, let go of me! Shrek!
SHREK: No!
FARQUAAD: Don't just stand there, you morons!
SHREK: Get out of my way! Fiona!
FARQUAAD: Kill him if you have to--but get him!
Shrek angrily fights back and knocks out a few of the guards, but they are able to subdue him through sheer numbers.
FARQUAAD: Beast, I'll make you regret the day we met! I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you!
FIONA: No, Shrek!
FARQUAAD: And as for you, my wife!
Farquaad pulls out a dagger and holds it to Fiona's throat.
SHREK: Fiona!
FARQUAAD: I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I'm king!
Shrek manages to pulls his arm free and he whistles loudly.
FARQUAAD: I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have--
Suddenly Dragon, with Donkey atop her head, crashes through a large window behind him. Farquaad drops his weapon and looks up.
FARQUAAD: Arrrggghhh!
Dragon swoops down and swallows him up in one gulp. The guards either run away or step back.
DONKEY: All right! Nobody move! I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
Dragon roars, causing most of the guards to away in fear. The remaining guards let go of Shrek and Fiona, backing away.
DONKEY: I'm a donkey on the edge!
Dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth and falls to the ground.
DONKEY: Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
The congregation laughs and cheers.
DONKEY: Go ahead, Shrek.
SHREK: Uh, Fiona?
FIONA: Yes, Shrek?
SHREK: I -- I love you.
FIONA: Really?
SHREK: Really, really.
FIONA: I love you too.
Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes 'Awwww' on the back and shows it to the congregation. Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted up into the air and she hovers while the magic works around her. Fiona's voice is heard although she isn't moving her lips.
VOICE: "Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form. Take love's true form. Take love's true form."
Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide and light up. The force of the spell blows against the crowd and all the windows. All except for one with an image of Farquaad on it, which Dragon breaks with her fist. Fiona is lowered to the ground and Shrek runs up to her.
SHREK: Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?
Fiona slowly stands up, still an ogress.
FIONA: Well, yes...but I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
SHREK: But you ''are'' beautiful.
They smile at each other.
DONKEY: I was hoping this would be a happy ending.
Shrek and Fiona kiss and the kiss fades into...
'''THE SWAMP'''
...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now joined in matrimony in Shrek's swamp. Among the attendees are the fairytale creatures once banished to the swamp, as well as a few Duloc Guards. Shrek and Fiona walk down the aisle to their awaiting [[Onion Carriage|carriage]], which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. They end get into a cat fight and Dragon catches the bouquet instead. Donkey looks nervous, but Shrek and Fiona give him reassuring looks. The Gingerbread Man has been mended somewhat and now has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane.
GINGERBREAD MAN: God bless us, every one.
The guests party and dance as Donkey takes over singing the song. Shrek and Fiona ride away in their carriage. Cut to a storybook that reads "And they lived ugly ever after...THE END".
'''DONKEY''': (as he's done singing and we fade to black) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
'''THE END'''
[[Category:Transcripts]]
[[Category:Shrek]]
[[Category:Movies]]